Me Getting to Me

I’ve realized lately that the blogosphere is a microcosm of the world. It is filled with people from all walks of life. As a blogger, I am just a drop in the bucket of this diverse community. In reading blogs, I’ve found stories of hope, inspiration, humor, and joy, and I’ve tried to contribute just a little to that.

But as in the world, the blogosphere is also contaminated with negativity. Blogging as a medium allows one to say things that she might not otherwise say to someone’s face. Unkind words, veiled and not-so-veiled references, and hateful remarks are all too common in this world. I myself may have contributed to this negativity, either through this blog, or in real life.

Anne Frank once wrote, “How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” It is with that thought that I’ve decided to join the Kind Blog movement.

Henceforth, this blogger:
1. Will not knowingly write or publish hurtful remarks toward another person.
2. Will not accept hateful comments from readers.
3. Will not acknowledge or participate in written attacks on other people or groups.

I believe that one person CAN make a difference toward making the world a more positive place. The negativity will stop here, with me.

COMPASSION

I was asked to speak on compassion today, which is one of my favorite topics. I also love to talk, so it is a win-win situation for me. I hope that it will be for all of you today also. That you like to hear about compassion and you also like to hear me talk.

For some reason it was really hard for me to know what to focus on talking about. So through prayer and using my sweet husband as a sounding board, I feel that what I need to talk about is how to raise our children with compassionate souls.

The Webster’s dictionary simply defines compassion as this:

: Sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it

The Bible equates compassion with Benevolence; Charity; Comfort; God, Love of; Kindness; Love; Loving-kindness; Mercy; Pity; Welfare.

After reading the Webster’s definition, I thought to myself, yep that is pretty much what I thought it would be. Yet after reading what the Bible equates it too, I was like; phew do I look at it the same way? Can I be like that? Better yet can my husband and I teach our children to be like that?

The answer to that is yes of course we can. Though in order to teach them this we have to live our lives that way.

There are three ways we can go about being a compassionate person.

1. To serve others

2. Learn the lessons from trials and mistakes.

3. To be selfless.

You may wonder what service has to do with compassion; I believe it has everything to do with it. When you serve others you are showing compassion. You are giving in their time of need. The hardest part of service is not doing the service but who we do the service for.

For some of us it is easier to serve those we don’t know than those we do know. For others of us it is easier to serve those we have a history with. I do think however it is hard for the majority of us to serve those we don’t necessarily get along with. In being a compassionate person we need to learn to serve all of God’s children.

The best example we have of this is in Luke 10: 29-35; which is the story of the Good Samaritan.

29 But he, willing to justify himself, said unto Jesus, And who is my neighbour?

30 And Jesus answering said, A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead.

31 And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side.

32 And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side.

33 But certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him,

34 And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him.

35 And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee.

This story is important, because the Jews and the Samaritans did not get along. The Samaritan didn’t think about this is my enemy, so I am not going to help. No he just served his neighbor, because we are all each others neighbor.

In our lives we all go through trials, struggles, painful experience, rough roads, and even everyday tasks that seem really hard. Once we go through them we are changed and have learned valuable lessons. I believe with my whole heart that we go through these things for reasons. Some of those reasons just may be to be able to help others who are going through the same struggles. We can offer perspective more than that we can offer comfort. We will have empathy, because have been there. That kind of compassion is priceless. When I have gone through trials in my life, I have had wonderful friends and family members who have been there and shown me great compassion. This gave me strength to carry on.

I think the biggest thing about being a compassionate is being a selfless person. Compassion isn’t something we can schedule in; it doesn’t have set hours, not always convenient for us or our own family. We show compassion it is usually at times were we could be doing other things. That is the beauty of it though; because compassion isn’t something that is thought out it is something that just happens. It is when we can step outside ourselves and a situation and not judge but just give.

I haven’t mentioned anything so far about how to teach our children this; the reason is, because if this is how we live then this is how we are bringing up our children. They will see by are example. Just as we have seen by Christ’s example.

In Luke 7:12-15.

12 Now when he came nigh to the gate of the city, behold, there was a dead man carried out, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow: and much people of the city was with her.

13 And when the Lord saw her, he had compassion on her, and said unto her, Weep not.

14 And he came and touched the bier: and they that bare him stood still. And he said, Young man, I say unto thee, Arise.

15 And he that was dead sat up, and began to speak. And he delivered him to his mother.

This sweet lady didn’t say anything to Christ he came and acted and he gave. This is how we need to be. We need to show up, act, and give without being asked. Sometimes that is just a hug, a kind word, or a smile, at other times; it is something larger. We never know, but if we are always willing our lives will always be blessed.

I sit and read, I watch and listen, and I learn. How to be a better mom, friend, wife, and person. Why? Because of the examples of all of the good and not so good people that have been in and out of my life.

The not so good, are long gone, but those lessons will burnt in my soul forever. How not to treat someone, how not to hold grudges, and how not to be bitter.

The ones that are good are in the past and right now in the present. I have a finally found a nice group of RLF and it is nice to watch there example of feel their loving friendship all around me. They are there in a pinch and there are never any judgmental looks or comments. Just open arms.

Then there is a group of women from many different walks of life, ages, personalities, views, and hairstyles, that have made my heart grow exponentially. They are always there with a kind word, a cyber hug, a warm thought, a kind gesture, and the ability to make me laugh like no other friends.

Because of you all I want to be so much better than I am, because you make me feel like I am already who I want to be. Thank you for your time, love, and enduring friendships.

I cannot forget the example that my Sweetman has been to me, about how to be a friend. He remembers everything about peoples conversations. He will see someone he hasn’t seen in ages and still remember what was going on in their lives and he asks about that. His motto, “Leave knowing more about that person than they know of you.” He listens with his heart. What a Sweetman.

Now me getting to me is a lot clearer path, and I am able to get there with all of you.

I was reminded recently of what Christmas was really about. I was sitting feeling a little down having my own “pity party.” My sweet husband, said not so sweetly, that when I do that it makes him feel as I think my family is not enough for me, that the one thing that I am feeling sad about overtakes me and I think the world is against me. I was so dang frustrated with him telling me how I could feel about something that it just made it worse.

You may be thinking what does that have to do with the spirit of Christmas? Well it wasn’t what he said it is what I was feeling down about.

You see I was recently involved in a Secret Santa and was so dang stoked about it. It wasn’t because I couldn’t wait to see what I would get, it was because I was so dang excited to shop for my person. When she got it and said how much she loved it, I was so so so happy. I felt bad because I only gave her one little thing and all the others were getting more than one thing. So I am all happy about that, and no the pity party wasn’t because I only sent her one gift. I can always do something about that, it is because I didn’t even get one gift.

You see that hurt, and I wanted to feel that hurt and then just let it go. How selfish am I? You see my husband also said, “What was the point of this, for you to get something or for you to give something.” You know the whole spirit of the thing. Well I knew he was right, but I just wanted him to comfort me and understand that it hurt. He was also right when he said I was thinking about High School and how I was treated.

Ever since then I have been in this kind of funk. Why? Am I any less of a person because someone didn’t send me a gift? No. Is it because I couldn’t just have a small pity party and go on my way? Maybe. I got so mad at him that it just snowballed.

I am disappointed with myself because I thought I was a better person than that. To let my joy of giving be overshadowed by my selfishness is sad.

I have actually grown from this and understand that a lot of things happen in life, and that is so not the worst thing that could happen to me. I am blessed beyond measure and I always need to remember that.

I mean I had someone who loved me enough he gave his life for me, so I may have eternal life. What more could I ever ask for? What better present is there? This was his birthday we were celebrating, and it is not about the presents.

I started this to be able to get to know this person I am by writing down my thoughts, feelings, and insights. Well I haven’t done anything so much for that. But maybe just maybe I have found out more than I realized. Let’s see.

I don’t follow through with things. Why is that? Why don’t I follow through? I have wonderful even incredible ideas (okay maybe not incredible) but really really good ones. If I followed through I would be so dang successful in my spiritual life, family life, personal life, and my marriage.

Am I afraid of success, afraid that if things go well then the other shoe will fall? What kind of sense is that? These days go by, why not do it right and be happy, so what if the other shoe falls. Okay, that is so easier said than done. But you know I think I will try.

First goal this week, follow through with this blog. Umm, done! No, I have to do a little more.

I will tuck my children in the first time they ask. That works for family life.

Add my strength training in this week. That works for my personal life.

Put all the laundry away. Believe it or not that will help in my marriage.

Okay that’s a good start.

Oh I might even take the time to blog daily.

Read my scriptures each night for 10 minutes.

In this constant search to get to me, I have realized something. I am not as selfless as I should be. Not by other’s standards but by my own, even though I have made some progress.

I always hear how women, after they have had their children, become so selfless. Well I have had five and I have realized that I really need to be this way. Don’t get me wrong I am not a completly selfish wife or mother.

Here is what I need to work on. Not getting miffed when one the children want the last sweet treat, spend more time reading them stories than telling them mommy needs some alone time, and finally when they want to snuggle, let them, each and every time. I am realizing that it can just never be enough snuggling, even if they are 11. One day they won’t even want me to do any of that.

How do I do this? That is the process and challenge for the week. Okay so no sweet treats, hide all the books, and never lie down. Now that won’t help me grow at all.

With my sweet husband I need to allow for him to have his own time. He works so much that he does need his down time. I cannot take that personally. He loves our alone time, so knowing this I will work on making those times fuller for the both of us.

I know there are times that I just need me time so I will learn this week how to balance it out. This should be an interesting week.

Have you ever wondered who you were? I mean deep down inside? I want to go on a journey to find this person I am. I am not a mommy who will leave her family to find out who I am, that is beyond selfish. I am a mommy who wants to find out who I am so I can be the best mother, wife and person I can become. Make sense?